The Emotion of Love

Love is one of the strongest emotions, if not the strongest emotion known to man. we all accept that it is a beautiful sharing experience but how often has this emotion been the cause of unwarranted pain and heartache? We have all experienced this emotion, in one form or another at least once in our lives. It is the main cause of anxiety, guilt, and depression. Real love promotes peace, harmony, and happiness. It has the power, to overcome many hurdles in life if only we can be honest with ourselves.

This purposeful emphasis on love and its relationship to Aikido may cause a few raised eyebrows, but those who train with their hearts and feel for their art will know the message.

Let's talk, about love, as an art and find out exactly what love is. The dictionary defines love as "devoted attachment to one of the opposite sexes" (although today it may mean "to anyone"). Of course, there are many other meanings to the word. We have all experienced love, or lack of love, in one way or another. We first experience love as children with our relationship with our family. Then we go through our teenage years experimenting and discovering the joys and heartaches of romantic love, until finally, devoting our lives to a mature love when we reach adulthood.

The types of love we are subjected to will affect our lives and future relationships when it is not expressed properly, especially when we are children. How many parents realize the way they show their love for each other and to their children could have such a drastic effect on their children's later lives?

As children we need, expect, and demand a certain type of love from our parents. But some parents, because of their own anxieties and fears, don't or can't see the long-lasting effects they have on their children. The overprotective mother, the ambitious father, parents who take their children for granted, and more seriously parents who abuse their children, all of which leave deep scars, which quite often remain for the rest of their lives. A child will grow up not knowing how to express their feelings, other than what they have been shown. They will find it hard to form relationships and understand proper love. In extreme cases, anxiety, anger, and isolation set in and the child ends up rebellious, a misfit, and an outcast from society. Even after a relationship has been allowed to develop things can still go wrong and more often than not, they do! The guilty party begins to feel agitated at the slightest incident however innocent. They start to mistrust and argue with their partners, and eventually, the relationship deteriorates.

All this, because they couldn't understand or didn't dare to understand. The real reasons for these tragic circumstances lie deep in their subconscious past, dormant, until something triggers them off.

When two people meet; is it their loneliness and isolation that has drawn them together, or is it some other common interests? Whatever the circumstances of their meeting, people can forge a bond of friendship and love, perhaps even sexually sealing it. Once that bond has been forged and one has recovered from the initial excitement, they start to understand everything about each other and appreciate their partner's feelings. If no attempt is made to understand, the relationship is destined, to fail, and perhaps the chance of love.

Similarly, when we practice Aikido (or any other art) if we don't understand or find it difficult to relate to a technique we don't just give up. We don't go off to another club or change our beliefs, but we persevere until we get it right. When we learn to drive a car and things go wrong, we persist till we get it right and pass our test. Exhilaration, satisfaction, and a sense of achievement are experienced when the problem is understood and solved. When things go wrong in life, we, shouldn't just give up or take the easy way out.

Do we take love for granted? Do we give it the same thoughts that are given other emotions? When we "hate" somebody or are angry with them we do something about it, we find some way of releasing those feelings. We vent our anger and aggression either verbally or physically, with no thought for ourselves and normally at someone else's expense. Yet when it comes to love, we selfishly take but find it hard to give. When are people going to realize - to get the most out of something, they have, to give their all! They must learn to make sacrifices and stronger commitments. They must not be afraid of taking chances. This should apply to any art or vocation we have chosen.

Love is the force of mankind. Without love, humanity will destroy itself. Love excites the physical, and spiritual. Love brings out the best in people. We begin to understand others, care, and respect life. We don't just love the one closest to our heart, instead through them, we love all. Through this love, we can discover the secrets of our innermost selves. We move to a higher plane, - through self-realization, life becomes fulfilling and meaningful. We feel the warmth as our spirit grows and our energy becomes stronger. We now sense that we can channel this energy to help others and they too will sense the warmth of your spirit and the power it generates. The most invigorating, exciting, and powerful feeling we could experience is the power of love when we meet someone of equal warmth and strength. When this spirit and energy become one, the world becomes a paradise, life and death become one, and the body, mind, and soul are united. We are at peace with ourselves and in harmony with life, the world, and the Universe. The mind and spirit are no longer in conflict, so the mind is free to search and experience the knowledge and joys of life.

So, we ask ourselves, if love is so wonderful why is there so much sorrow, conflict, and ill-feeling in the world?

Again, it is past where the answer lies and in our failure to recognize our faults and unwillingness to accept them. We are conditioned to believe in what we expect in love and life. We listen to love songs, we watch romantic movies and read romances. We see the relationships of our families, friends, and neighbors go through. They all play a part in this conditioning process. We identify ourselves with the person we're expected to be. That is why those early relationships that started with our parents are so important. Retaining that loyalty to our past sometimes causes conflict within ourselves. We need to separate our emotions and recognize them individually. Identifying and understanding every one of our emotions we cope with life because it is the importance of these emotions that make up our human character. We can never rid ourselves of bad emotions but we can certainly control them. Each emotion is related to another otherwise we wouldn't be human.

To survive and be happy as an individual, and still retain our identity we need to love life. We need to understand love and prepare ourselves. We need to train and discipline ourselves, and to be honest with ourselves.

Look into a mirror and what do you see? Do you just see your reflections or do you see someone else? Are you afraid of what you see and can you accept what you see? One should have the courage and honesty to face up to oneself.

Some stagger through life, pretending they are happy and will not admit that they are, in fact, lonely people. They will put forward all sorts of logical excuses to explain themselves. They tend to hurt people around them because they are hurting. Trapped in their self-imposed prison they become sad. They find it hard to mix with people and find themselves drawn even more into a world of loneliness, without love or life. Giving love becomes an impossibility so the only way they can survive is to take love and affection. They will even "fall in love" frequently and deny themselves self-respect.

This is a materialistic and false love but they do find immediate and temporary happiness, at least that's what they want to believe. Progress cannot be made because they have become afraid of taking that first step forward, just in case it destroys what they apparently have. Life is just an existence as they hide behind this false security they have discovered. They no longer search for truth because they believe they have already found it. They are no longer motivated.

It is not love that keeps two people together under these circumstances but a duty to conform and an excuse for security. They will say they have everything to satisfy their needs so why should they go any further, why should they develop their minds and why should they strive to understand the meaning of life? As long as they are accepted by family, friends, and society, what is there for them to look forward to?

It is this negative attitude that makes people disillusioned with life and causes so much friction and disruption in a relationship which eventually leads to personal anxiety and depression. But humanity does survive because of individuals who won't give up that search and their desire for knowledge and happiness. They train their minds, bodies, and spirit, and sacrifice a part of their lives to experience the joys, of knowledge. 3

Discovering through the power of love, to strengthen their spirit and mind. No longer wander aimlessly but with a purpose. They want and will become masters of themselves. Because if they don't they will end up a slave.

Again, we ask ourselves, why is love the key to our search for that missing link?

What other emotion motivates a person to search for the truth and the answer to life? If one uses anger, hatred, and selfishness, for example, to achieve their aims, then they will never reach their goals. So many have tried but they have all ended up lost and lonely. They become bitter and frustrated. They lose their self-respect and integrity. One has only got to go back into the history of mankind to see the results. As people, they become losers, because they will be unable to find love and will never be able to have a stable relationship with anybody. They will mistrust all and lose all sense of proportion of life. They will be rejected and isolated by society, especially by those close to them. Eventually, their spirit and mind will become so weak, that they will end up used and abused by certain elements of society. They will be wary of those who are stronger and only relate to those who are weaker because it makes them feel stronger in comparison. In extreme cases, they become a narcissistic psychopath. 

It distresses them even more because the very people who should be relating to them find it hard to cope with their erratic moods and temperaments. Friends and family, with their own commitments and responsibilities, are probably going through the same traumas to various degrees. They listen but they don't hear. They feel guilty giving the required advice and support, because of their own fears and inadequacies. Only a person, with, an abundance of tolerance and patience to cope with such a situation.

In desperation, help is sought from professional counselors, maybe because, being strangers, it is easy to relate to them. Professionals have the academic qualifications of theory offering a safety valve to certain individuals. But, no matter how good a professional is, they are still strangers, but this could be an important fact, so it may work - often never fully. The risks are always there and the more disappointments they suffer, the more they hate themselves.

Life becomes a merry-go-round, with no means of getting off. We begin to lose hope and wonder if life is worth living, slowly but surely, prompting us into despair. If we sink too deep we are lost forever, unable to help ourselves and out of reach from those who want and can help. Very slowly destroying ourselves and those close to us oblivious to everything.